Let's fire this blog back up again....

Well, after close to 3 years of not blogging, I've decided it's time to start again.  We are closing in on another phase in Lia's heart journey.  It's time for her Fontan, the third stage of the three staged repair we started when she was 6 days old.   It's strange to think that we've known about Lia's heart for 5 years this month.  March of 2008...the perinatology visit that literally changed our lives.  

I look back through these posts and so many memories flood back.  They are most of all good memories...but some heart wrenching ones as well.  We've changed so much over the last 5 years...We've learned many lessons, mostly I think about perspective and trying to live in the present.  Corey and I made the decision all those years ago to live our lives today.  We are happy today.  Our kids are safe and healthy today.  Today is a very normal, uneventful day...and we appreciate that.  We wonder about the future, who doesn't?  But here's the deal about facing the unknown...we can't let it rob us of our today.  We are blessed TODAY.

Tomorrow I'll call Children's Medical Center and schedule Lia's heart cath and her Fontan.  The plan is to do the cath late April to early May, and do the Fontan early to mid May.  Even as I type those tentative dates, my heart is heavy.  This is not unexpected news...we've known now for 5 years that she will need this surgery.  So much time and so many things have happened since then and I'm sad all over again.  We've been able to put this last surgery off for two years.  She has always looked so healthy and done so well, they weren't in any hurry to do it.   She still looks good, but she is due to start Kindergarten in the Fall and at this point, they don't see any advantage to put it off any longer.  I get it.  I understand the physiology of her living with 3/4 of a heart, and the fact that she HAS to have this last stage...and I'm still sad.  

"Are we scared?"  People ask me that when we talk about Lia..."What will her future be like?" I guess we are scared...but in no way does that mean we don't trust our God and what he has in store for our family.  Without that to lean on, I don't know how anyone could handle this...  I believe with 100% of my own heart, that He has never left us.  He has never left our side.  I also believe that about other precious families we know who have traveled similar pathways, and their children are no longer with them here on earth.  I think that's what scares me... The fact that HIS plan may not match up with our deepest desire.  Even so, I trust Him.  I do.  Are we scared?  Yes, I think we definitely are.  But we will face it as courageously as we can, head on, without hesitation.  We don't have a choice.  Sometimes the most difficult things in the world are the ones worth facing the most.  

Those of you who know me best know that you will see me in tears in the next few months.  It's just what I do.  This heart stuff isn't easy, and I can't always pinpoint exactly why I may be crying that day.  But I do know for a fact that there will be tears.  It doesn't mean that I'm not handling things or that I'm not functioning...it just means I'm sad.   I think I'll allow myself that some days.  I can tell you another thing for sure though...there will also be lots of laughing.  We are a happy family, and we love our life we've been blessed with.  We've only been given one life.  One.  We plan to appreciate every day and live ours to the fullest.