We went to see Dr Lemler this morning. We've seen him a couple of times since we brought her home, when we've seen the surgery team. Officially, those times before today were to see the surgery team only, but he was able to pop in each time and put his eyes on her. Today's visit was scheduled with him, so he was able to spend a little longer with us.
So he walked in the room and said, "Rumor has it...that you've just had surgery...but looking at you I don't really know if I believe that." In a nutshell, she is doing awesome. We've been tweaking little things in order to balance her fluid and electrolyte status, while trying to make sure no pleural effusions come back. Remember, that's why she had the chest tubes after surgery. Sometimes after the Fontan, those will come back after the chest tubes have been removed. That's why they keep her on high doses of diuretics (to help her pee off the fluid). The problem is, with being on those kinds of meds, it throws off her electrolytes so we've been chasing those as well.
Today her chest X-ray looked perfect (no effusions), her electrolytes were all in good range again, and her EKG was good (no weird arrhythmia). Those are all good things that we've been dealing with since coming home. Now, the thing they looked at today was her heart rate which was elevated some. This can be from being on too much diuretic and being a little on the "dry side"... He went back and forth over whether to stop one of the diuretics or "pee meds", (which is what four year olds call them.) He decided to let us take her pulse at home this evening and call him with it. If it's still high away from the hospital he may just stop one of the meds. We will see...
All in all, she continues to amaze everyone...including me. It's hard to believe we are on this side of this surgery. I know I've said that before, but I still can't wrap my head around it. I'm still having a hard time relaxing. I've been trying to allow myself to just breathe and openly accept this gift we've been given. It is such a gift. She is such a gift. I am so grateful.
I've read something lately that I love and I want to share with you all. I share it because I think we all need to hear it, and put it into practice. I also share it because I need to to read it again, say it out loud to myself, type it in this blog, and do it. I need to adopt this way of thinking...I imagine I will have to work on this for the rest of my life.
This is from a blog I just read yesterday...
"Worry is a cornered dog, growling and hair bristled, trying to fend reality off, snarling and putting all its energy towards the fight that is coming.
In Brennan Manning’s new devotional, Dear Abba, he writes about surrender, which is the opposite of worry.
“The emotional state of surrender” writes Harry Tiebout, “is a state in which there is a persisting capacity to accept reality. It is a state that is really positive and creative.” When the Christian surrenders to the Spirit on the unconscious level, there is no residual battle, and relaxation ensues with freedom from strain and conflict. Submission, on the other hand, is halfhearted acceptance. It is described by such words as resignation, compliance, acknowledgement, concession, and so forth. There remains a feeling of reservation, a tug in the direction of non-acceptance. Surrender produces wholehearted acceptance.
My wife Mary has a mantra. Sometimes mantras are clever but soulless, and so they dissipate like morning fog. But sometimes they are life preservers. Mary’s mantras are always life preservers.
“Worry does not guard the sacred future,” she says.
“Who are you?” I say back.
She means that there is a sacred future, one that God is inviting us to both join and co-create, and it’s filled with possibilities, uncertainties, what ifs, joy, and pain. And we cannot guard that sacred future. We can only walk into it, whatever it is, choosing to believe that God is good (another mantra that can be a life preserver).
She means that worry doesn’t help the sacred future to come more quickly, or without pain.
She means that in order to walk into the sacred future, we must accept reality, no matter what reality is, and surrender is required.
“Be it unto me, just as you said.”
Another Mary said those words, and when she said them, they were words of surrender. I’m sure there was some worry along the way. Surrender doesn’t mean there are no more highs and lows. But whatever worry she did have, she didn’t let it turn her into a snarling dog, bracing for a fight.
Surrender walks into the sacred future, hand-in-hand with One who knows how to calm the snarling dog, and lead it into freedom.
And you get to choose how you will live, worry or surrender."
No comments:
Post a Comment