Tomorrow...

Ok I won't lie...this day has been a little rough. It's the whole "weight of dreading something you don't want to do" that I'm hoping ends up being worse than the actual "doing that thing you don't want to do".  That seems to be how it's always been in the past, and I'm hoping that this time tomorrow I'll feel like that burden will be somewhat lifted. Lia's heart cath is tomorrow. I know I said on the previous post that it was the 19th...but that was the wrong date. It's tomorrow morning around 8:30 or 9:00...we will get there at 7:15. 

Today's been one of those days that I've felt a little sorry for myself, and have thought all kinds of strange, irrational thoughts of how I wished some things could be different.  I wish there was no such thing as congenital heart defects. I wish all children could be born perfect and healthy. I wish parents never had to suffer as they watch their child suffer. Most of all, I wish this wasn't so for my child.  I wish she had a whole heart, with four functioning chambers and vessels that came out of the right place and entered the right place. I wish she didn't get tired so easily and could play soccer.   I feel selfish wishing for those things when I know she has done so well, and I don't take that fact for granted for one minute, but still. Sometimes I wish....

Then I remember how blessed we are. God has placed so many people and things perfectly in our life to help us through this.  I'm so thankful for all the big and small blessings. I'm thankful for a strong family of support. Both sides of our families are incredible. We have cried with them, and laughed with them, and been supported by them. We are also surrounded by supportive friends, of whom we consider our family as well. Lifelong friends, college friends, church friends, Rockwall friends, and work friends.....One word. Amazing. We are even strongly supported and loved by friends of friends. 

I am so grateful for little things like good parent-teacher conferences with the boys...and the teachers that are specifically loving, hugging, and watching over them through this. If I had to worry about their grades or behavior in addition to everything else, things could be much more difficult. Little things...

I am grateful for all the tiny moments just today that Lia said hilarious things.  I can literally feel my own heart expand as I watch her grow into this sassy, funny, sweet, real little person.  

  

I am also grateful for the people we are becoming through this. I've spoken before about lessons learned...and there are so many lessons we are learning. That's no coincidence. He's trusted us with Lia, and with her circumstances. He's trusted us to keep moving forward and to help as many people along the way as we can. He's trusted Corey and me to help each other in every moment of doubt and fear and difficulty. Our road ahead is uncertain, but I know we will continue to learn all along the way. I'm thankful for that. Yes, there is a lot to be thankful for....